Attack of Gigantic Pikachu!
by Hardra61
Summary: Hardra6 is doing it again! Sound the alarms! Despite the title, this is NOT A DUMB POKEMON THING! I don't even like pokemon so much so there! Oh yeah....Um, CSM plays the Sims, Scully does this Sailor Moon thing, The Gunmen are chased by those Matrix Guys


  
Attack of Gigantic Pikachu!   
  
One more dumb X-files Parody By Hardra6  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: CSM plays the Sims, Scully does this Sailor Moon thing,   
The Lone Gunmen are chased by the Matrix Guys, Mulder has   
illusions of The Beatles and Gigantic Pikachu eats a couple   
superheroes!  
  
Notes: A late-at-night thing. Probably sucks. I'll let you decide. Read,   
thataway. \/  
  
  
******  
  
  
Fade in. Mulder is playing the Sims on his computer, Scully is   
painting by number. The News is playing on the tv in their office   
across the room.   
  
Scully: Mulder, help. I can't find any more twos.  
  
Mulder: (to computer) CAN'T YOU TAKE THE TRASH OUT ANY   
FASTER YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR WORK!  
  
Scully: what the heck are you doing?  
  
Mulder: (to computer) WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE NO MORE   
MONEY?????  
  
Scully dashes over to Mulder's computer and switches it off with a   
dramatic click.   
  
Mulder: Oh, thank you Scully!   
  
Scully: No problem Mulder.  
  
The news suddenly becomes several notches louder.   
  
News Guy: We have just received word that a large, yellow monster   
thing is terrorizing DC! Superman, Batman, Captain Planet, if you   
exist, please save us!   
  
The tv clicks off.  
  
Mulder: Did you see that Scully???  
  
Scully: Sure did Mulder.  
  
Mulder: This looks like a job for.....  
  
X-files theme plays, Mulder and Scully appear in their suits with their   
guns out.  
  
Mulder: MULDER AND SCULLY!  
  
Scully: Scully and Mulder.  
  
Mulder: MULDER and SCULLY.  
  
Scully: SCULLY and MULDER.  
  
Mulder: hey, I'm the tall, handsome smart guy who knows   
everything!!  
  
Scully: Well I'm more logical than you are, not to mention the head of   
a whole Scully fan cult!  
  
Mulder: (mockingly) there must be some rational way to stop all this.  
  
Scully: (mockingly) why don't you go ask your aliens to sort it all   
out?  
  
Mulder: THAT'S IT!  
  
Mulder attacks Scully. They exchange blows for a good 2 or 3   
minutes, then Skinner jumps into their office wearing a white robe   
and holding a copy of the Bible  
  
Skinner: I have a peaceful solution to all of this.  
  
Mulder/Scully: WHAT?  
  
Skinner: I hereby deem thee, SCULDER!  
  
Mulder crosses his arms.   
  
Mulder: MULDEY.  
  
Skinner and Scully: SCULDER!  
  
Mulder: MULDEY!!!  
  
Mulder moves to attack Skinner and Scully but two men the room   
and a flying walrus appears in the air above them.  
  
Mulder: Wha......?? Who are you????  
  
Man #1: I am the eggman.  
  
Man #2: no, *I* am the eggman!  
  
Walrus: I am the walrus!  
  
Scully: Ohhhh kay.  
  
Mulder: oooh. Are you for real?  
  
Walrus: no. You are sitting in a padded cell in the hospital recovering   
from your alien abduction.   
  
Mulder: Aww.  
  
Mulder jumps into the walrus's arms and they fly out the door along   
with the two eggmen. Scully and Skinner start to kiss passionately,   
their mouths looking like they're both chewing gum.   
  
Scully: (pulling away) oh, wait--  
  
Scully takes a large wad of Bazooka Joe out of her mouth and sticks   
it under Mulder's table. She holds her hand out convictingly and   
Skinner puts a big wad into her hand. Sticking it under the table, she   
takes out her gun and cocks it.   
  
Scully: Let's go kill that big yellow monster.  
  
******  
  
Gigantic Pikachu snatches a helicopter and munches on it. Eleven or   
twelve police cars drive up and three men in funny outfits come   
zooming through the air. Gigantic Pikachu eats Superman, Batman,   
and Captain planet.  
  
Scully runs up to it, pauses, and then says a little prayer before   
turning to the swat team behind her.  
  
Scully: Okay! Aim to kill. Then when you've killed it, take it to the   
lab. It might not fit in the lab. If it doesn't fit in the lab, give my   
friend Mr. Kirk a call. He's bound to have a shrinking ray.  
  
Swat guy: Yes, Ma'am! (runs off)  
  
Mulder hops up to her in a straight jacket and a goofy look on his   
face.   
  
Mulder: Scully, Scully, Scully, Mind potatoes at the beach, la la la!!   
Nascar fruits are blooming in the winter planetarium today!!!  
  
Mulder hops in circles. Scully makes sure nobody is looking, then   
knocks him out with the butt of her gun.  
  
Scully: dum de dum....(whistles)  
  
Skinner races up, his arms flailing.   
  
Skinner: Scully! We can never take this thing! it just ate President   
Bush's secret supply of Cheetos! There's nothing that can stop it!  
  
Suddenly Langly, Byers and Frohike run by. Frohike grabs Scully's   
cell phone as he passes. A man in black is not far behind him.  
  
Frohike: (into phone) Get us out of here! Where's the nearest phone?   
What? that's too far!! Too far!!!  
  
The screen freezes zooms completely around the Lone Gunmen.   
Langley jumps into the air and it freezes again, and he kicks the   
MIB's face.   
  
Byers: Let's get out of here!!  
  
They run into a building, pick up a phone and disappear. Scully and   
Skinner shrug and point their guns at the giant Pikachu again. Mulder   
wakes up.  
  
Mulder: Freeze the cool aid!!!!! Freeze the cool aid!!  
  
Scully coughs and bashes him on the head at the same time.   
  
Scully: Get the choppers in there! I want this thing alive!  
  
The Smoking man walks up and Scully gasps.   
  
Scully: You're supposed to be dead! I read it in the script!  
  
CSM: Psssh. I'm the smoking guy girlfriend. I've died like a million   
times. Is this time any different??  
  
The smoking man takes out a laptop and begins to play The Sims. He   
makes a family of Scully, Mulder, Skinner, Pikachu and the Swat   
Guys. It goes something like this.  
  
******  
  
Scully is bending over to look directly into the microwave as its   
heating up her breakfast. Mulder is watching tv, Skinner is sitting on   
the toilet with little blurry things over him, Gigantic Pikachu is   
dancing to the radio, and the swat guys are partying around the pool   
in the back yard that nobody can figure out how anybody managed to   
pay for.   
  
Scully: Yei M'snama na appa yeiaday.  
  
A bubble with a picture of food pops up over her head. She continues   
to stare into the microwave as its goes around.  
  
Mulder: Noi Shannaray if snona implad.  
  
A bubble with a picture of Scully with radiation burn pops up over his   
head. Scully's social meter goes down. Mulder's fun meter goes up   
cuz he's watching tv.  
  
Skinner comes out of the bathroom without flushing. He walks over   
to Scully. Scully is preparing her food.   
  
Scully: Ippa noi snan fillifay ickshnor!  
  
A bubble containing a picture of Skinner flushing the toilet appears   
over her head. Skinner blushes and goes back into the bathroom;   
flushes the toilet.  
  
Mulder stands up and goes over to Scully. CSM clicks on Scully and   
selects "talk" and "compliment" until the word "kiss" shows up.   
Mulder and Scully kiss and passionate music plays. A screen pops up.  
  
Screen: would you like to volunteer to father the baby?  
  
CSM selects yes, giggling. A baby magically appears. Scully quits   
her job and sings to the baby. Mulder's social meter goes down and   
his love meter with Scully goes back to 3.   
  
Scully: (to mulder) Nava ish loto cara neegh!   
  
A bubble with a picture of Mulder holding the baby and a big *X*   
over it appears over Scully's head. Mulder sniffs and goes to watch   
more tv.  
  
Skinner comes out of the bathroom and smiles while going up to the   
baby. Scully glares at him.  
  
Scully: (to Skinner) Nava ish loto cara neegh!  
  
A bubble with a picture of Skinner holding the baby and a big *X*   
over it appears over Scully's head. Skinner half smiles nervously and   
sits down on the couch next to Mulder.  
  
Giant Pikachu finishes dancing and goes out to swim with the swat   
guys. The swat guys run away and Pikachu jumps into the pool,   
splashing water and creating a tidal wave. Everyone is killed and the   
screen tells CSM, Game over.  
  
*****  
  
CSM: like, that's so like totally not fair!  
  
Meanwhile, Pikachu is still at large. Scully jumps into the air and   
does a magical transformation. She becomes SuperScully and flies   
towards Pikachu's giant head.  
  
Scully: Super Scully Rainbow Skeptic Attack!!!!  
  
Pikachu is thrust back with the force of Scully's skeptical blow.  
  
Scully: I don't believe that a creature with your genetic makeup can   
exist! I don't believe a creature with your genetic makeup can exist!  
  
Mulder wakes up and jumps into the air. He becomes SuperMulder   
and flies towards Pikachu's giant head.  
  
Mulder: I BELIEVE YOU GIANT PIKACHU!  
  
Scully's jaw drops.   
  
Scully: Oh my God, Mulder, you're wearing TIGHTS!  
  
Mulder screams and dives behind a protective building. He comes out   
zipping up his jeans.   
  
Mulder: Whoops, too far. Where was I? Oh yeah. I BELIEVE YOU   
GIANT PIKACHU!  
  
Pikachu gets tears in his eyes and Mulder and Pikachu fly towards   
each other to hug in slow motion.  
  
Scully: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN......  
  
The Swat Team plays go fish. CSM begins to bang his laptop   
computer against Skinner, who is drooling on his shoes watching the   
fight above.  
  
Mulder sails towards Pikachu.  
  
Scully: ......OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......  
  
Mulder and Pikachu embrace and cry. Pikachu squeezes Mulder too   
hard and Mulder falls to the ground, insane again.   
  
Mulder: Please pick my Fruity Pebbles for me!! Pleeeeeeeease????  
  
Men in white hospital jackets comes and take Mulder away.   
  
Mulder: PIIIIIKKKKKAAAAACHHHUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!  
  
Pikachu: MUUUUULLLLLLDDDDDEEEERRRRR!!!  
  
Everyone pauses and look up at Gigantic Pikachu. He looks back   
cynically.   
  
Pikachu: what'd you expect me to say? "Pika pika pika"?  
  
SuperScully and Skinner exchange looks. The swat guys blow up   
Gigantic Pikachu. SuperScully demorphs into Scully and she falls on   
top of CSM, who becomes road pizza. With anchovies and extra   
olives.  
  
Scully: (turning to Skinner) well, I guess that's it. Mulder's in the   
hospital, CSM is road pizza, and the Swat guys are....where are the   
swat guys? (looks around)  
  
Skinner: (sighing) well, they're giving Mulder a belated Bar Mitzvah.   
Don't know how the're going to get him out of the hospital....  
  
Scully: We've got to stop them!  
  
Skinner: This is a job for.....!  
  
Scully: (Screaming) SCULLY AND SKINNER!!  
  
Skinner pauses, looks strangely at Scully.  
  
Skinner: .......Skinner and Scully....??  
  
Scully pauses, looks at skinner, and sighs.  
  
  
  
  
The End  
  
  
.....Know it sucked, don't care...!  
Mebby I'll make more later and they'll be funnier. Oh well. Later!  
~hardra6  



End file.
